I know that I am not the only mother who after I have kids have thought oh my lord you are going to do what? I know even though my girls are under six that they will someday be women and what the hell am I going to think or say as far as sex? It is great for me but I cannot think about my girls doing that stuff. How so I teach them to wait for the right person unlike what I did? I want to help my girls to find the love I did eventually. What am I suppose to say? How can I teach my children right from wrong sexually? I know it is personal but I just want them to learn from my mistakes.
Jogging and chitchat. October 2, 2011
Every time I go and pick up my daughter and the neighbor who rides with us I see women jogging. It was worse then I dropped off my daughter in the morning and every time I would see multiple people jogging I just want to slightly turn the wheel. I feel like there are all other mothers who can jog, blog, take care of kids, clean the house, sexually please their husband, and keep everything in check! I am so not that woman! I feel like I should be Betty Crocker, June Cleaver, and the perfect hostess all in one! I cannot do it! I have realized that I need to find what defines me as a woman not just a stay at home mom. I know that raising children is a noble cause and we are setting up the next generation but God it is hard to know what to do and how to not just freak out over screaming and talking back. Just a reminder my oldest is four! I am screwed! But I love my kids and hope for a good life. There is just nothing as life changing as having children.
Differences September 24, 2011
I have found that keeping up with a house that is three plus times bigger then your old rental is so overwhelming! Thank God I have an amazing friend who gave me a list of everyday tasks that have helped me get on top of the space I have. I have had hard times with postpartum depession and just having a constant check list that I can just focus on instead of the huge task that is a monster that is out of control into a mindless activity. I will have to post that sometime.
That girl is crafty! September 20, 2011
My friend and I who have known each other for literally twenty years, were complete hellions when we were young. No one would have ever guessed that twenty years later the weird goth chick in a full length leather coat and her artsy awesome friend would ever get married or have children. Now we get together at my cute brick Bountiful house and let my two girls and her son run like wild animals in the back yard and basement while we are doing crafts or couponing! We still make horribly perverse jokes, laugh uncontrollably, and look at most people like they are beyond the lowest life form on this planet when they say stupid things. So in a way we are still teenagers just with homes and kids. Poor children.
Crazy kids! September 17, 2011
Today was the first day of carpooling. My daughter got off and everything was OK. Thank God I had a friend come over to keep me company (calm). So when I left to get the two four year old’s I was intimidated. I should not have been because I am an adult which I have to tell myself often. However I got there and put the kids in the car, after that I found that one of the best things happened. I listened to my daughter and my neighbor’s son chat about the day. It was music to my ears! I heard more about what happened that day then I ever had. The bonus being them laughing a lot. We walked the neighbor home. Venice and I ran to our house one house down and she was so happy. I thought I would hate this but I love hearing my daughter communicating with a classmate.
Carpool! September 14, 2011
I was so happy to find a good preschool for my daughter and it was from my neighbor who is just two houses up from mine. For a few weeks we have waived as we drop off our children. I was thinking this seems stupid for us to both drive to the preschool and back twice a day three times a week. So my neighbor called me and asked if I could pick up her son on Friday’s so we decided she would drop them off and I would pick them up. This makes sense… and then I start to think, I just joined a carpool! Oh my lord I am a mother! Sometimes I feel like I am just a teenager then someone yells “mom” and I am suppose to answer. When I start ruminating again that I am sill just a kid something breaks in the house and it is my responsibility. Oh well I think I might go pull off another layer of wallpaper and see what the next layer could be.
Man night. September 11, 2011
My husband is working eighty hours a week still so I am on my own most of the time. Today I took my kids to my mother’s for the night and headed home. What did I choose to do you ask? I stopped and got rim cleaner and took my car to a car wash. I spent a fair amount of time there but my rims were still dirty so I came home and protected the interior of my car and then scrubbed my rims well. After that I went inside and what did I do? I made myself a hotdog. I called my husband and said I have had just a man day today. I need you to come home so I remember I am the woman.
Single housewife September 9, 2011
My husband who I completely adore has been working between seventy to eighty hours a week for over two years and his work just said they could use him as much as he can work till the end of the year. I am completely torn between joy and sorrow. My husband is the best father I have ever seen and he loves me regardless of any fault I might have. He is my best friend and the love of my life. But together we talked about what we should do. We agreed that we just bought a house and we need the money. So I love that he is willing to work so much for his family but I miss him and my girls act out when he is not here because they love him. I guess this is just another thing that I have to do to have my home. I still feel like a total stranger in my neighborhood and Halloween is coming up. I think that the “community” expects a lot from me and I don’t have decorations or the money to get them. I have been told so much that my house will be visited a lot and I don’t know if I am up for it. I do feel like moving to this neighborhood has me overwhelmed and I don’t know if I can perform. I feel like I am a teenager still and I am a mother and homeowner! I have to grow up fast! God help me.
Preschool September 5, 2011
I searched for a preschool for my four year old like crazy. I had found one that was pricy but so educational. I know the whole let kids be kids crap but my kids are not normal! In her previous preschool the first day my three year old came home she wrote her name! Yeah I did not teach her that. So after a year at that school while we were saving money, we buy our house. So her school is just too far to drive for three hours a day three times a week. I just did not know what to do. At this point my daughter is four and can read some. I have no idea if this is early but I just know that I feel the best thing I could do for either of my girls is give them a great education.
So the first day of elementary school I went and got a coffee and I came home and at my neighbors house a group of women were crowded around talking. I pulled into my driveway and sat for a minute thinking if I was in any other place I have rented I would just go inside and ignore the random people thinking they were a gang setting up a coup. But I thought I am living in a true neighborhood where people want to talk to each other and “share”. I just don’t understand this way of life. The people we bought the house from had lived here for twenty six years!
Speaking of the previous owners of my house, when I pulled up to my new house and my real state agent gave me the keys I looked over and the person mowing my new neighbor’s lawn looked failure. Then he came over, took off his sunglasses, and asked how things were. My lord would you believe it was the man who owned the house before us!
I felt total confusion I don’t think it is normal for you to buy a house from someone and see them every week! I guess he mows the widows’ lawn next-door. What can you do?
I decided to join the desperate housewife group next-door to talk. That is where a week before school talked with another mother whose son went to a preschool told me of it and she talked to the teacher and now my daughter has a school! The second day of school I was driving my daughter there and I started to realize that all of these stay at home moms are not just causing me problems at the store but they are all walking. I truly feel like I have been transported back fifty years. No one lock’s their doors and kids trick or treat. I feel like I was dropped into a twilight zone!
A few weeks in. September 4, 2011
I am getting used to an out pouring of love and acceptance from this neighborhood. I am still so shocked with so many things that are happening here. My kids are making friends and I am getting used to kids over at my house. I was told that I am expected to hand out a ton of candy on Halloween and I am sure I need to decorate my house for holidays. This is all a huge shocker to me. I have never handed out candy or decorated. I never thought about the social expectations that come with buying a house and I am sure that is not most houses but in this neighborhood it is so different than I ever expected.
